1. Charming. This
person quickly smothers the other with gifts and praise. He/she
immediately pushes for an exclusive relationship using phrases such as
“I can’t live without you” or “I’ll kill myself if you leave.” A clear
indication something is wrong.
2. Jealous.
He/she views others as a threat to the relationship and relentlessly
accuses you of flirting. “I know you are having an affair.” The irony is
that the abuser is usually the cheater.
3. Manipulative.
Abuse and manipulation go hand-in-hand. This person easily detects
vulnerability in others and uses it as a weapon to control, belittle and
demean the victim. “You are weak and ugly; no wonder you were abused as
a kid.”
4. Controlling.
Constant checking on the whereabouts of the victim is a common trait for
the abuser. “I check the mileage on your car. So don’t lie to me.” A
male controller often refuses to let his girlfriend have a job, she
might “meet someone.”
5. A Victim. An
abuser doesn’t take any responsibility for his/ her poor choices. They
are never at fault. When she loses her job, or he gets into a fight,
someone else is to blame. “You make me hit you” or “I drink because you
stress me out.”
6. Narcissistic. The
whole world revolves around the abuser and his/her needs. This person
is invigorated by the fact that the victims “walks on eggshells” and
live in fear of the next outburst.
7. Inconsistent.
Mood swings are a common trait for an abuser. One minute he/she is happy
and sweet, the next they are pounding a fist or throwing a tantrum.
8. Critical. Verbally assaulting others is a way of life for the abuser. “You are a stupid, fat, disgusting tramp. You can’t ever leave me; no other man would have you” or “Ha! You call yourself a man. You are nothing but a mama’s boy.”
9. Disconnected. Isolation from family and friends is a
key goal for the abuser because it forces the victim into total
submission. “Your family causes too much trouble for us. I don’t want
you seeing them anymore.”
10. Hypersensitive.
The slightest offense sends the abuser ranting. Everyone is out to “get
him/her.” “My boss had it in for me; I bend over backwards on my job
but I still got fired.”
11. Vicious and cruel.
A significant number of abusers harm children and animals as well as a
partner. Intimidation and inflicting pain fuels his/her power. “If I
can’t have you, no one will” or “I just pretended to love you so that
you would sleep with me.”
12. Insincerely repentant.
He/she will swear to never “behave like that again.” But unless an
abuser receives professional help and solid accountability it’s unlikely
the abuse will disappear.
After marriage these behaviors typically escalate, therefore it’s
crucial to recognize the warning signs now. Tell someone you can trust,
and get help. And don’t believe the lie that it’s not abuse until he/she
hits you.
Some people need to break such chains, and free up themselves from the bandage of abusive relationship
ReplyDeletePositive site, where did u come up with the information on this posting? I'm pleased I discovered it though, ill be checking back soon to find out what additional posts you include. Learn More
ReplyDelete